What to do?

Alright this needs to be settled. Last night I was out and about and I was introduced to some people and I shook this guy's hand but when I shook it I noticed he tried to pull away and do a slide. This kind of thing demands immediate attention. Have you ever felt that awkwardness after you go in for a handshake, or a slide and bump, or a shake and hug, and whoever is opposite you expects something different? First of all you come away feeling like an idiot and your opposite comes away thinking you are just that...an idiot.

but not the rich kind

I think the handshake and the greeting need to be analyzed. Is there a situational standard that can help you identify which greeting is expected? Or is it a race thing, should you fist bump white people to show you're hip? Should you shake a black person's hand to show respect? Do girls expect a hug? Who cares, why is she out of the kitchen? Is there a sandwich in her hands?

lolz sexist jokes iz funniez

Digressions aside, what is the real problem here? The problem is people! If we just get rid of all the people then handshakes and the need for them would be rendered void by the surrounding mushroom clouds.

Problem solved!

But seriously, nuclear war is not a way to solve real problems, unless you are a machine and you believe that humans are your biggest opponent in which case carry on. But since I am a great man and I do my research.

Wikipedius granting man knowledge

I went a searching on YouTube and I found these two gents.

These gentlemen have been kind enough to work out some of the difficulties and give you tips to help you out of your socially awkward greeting. They don't give you any advice on social situations that can help you sort this kind of thing out.

But maybe they are on to something. Maybe a handshake is based on the individual. So there is really no situational standard. Your boss at work might be really cool and so he feels a fist bump is more appropriate, or that white guy you met at the party while playing flippy cup wants to show he appreciates you not spilling your beer that last time and so he wants to shake your hand.Basically you need to read the individual and assess(quickly) what the next step is. If you can read the other person right your handshake might be like this.

Or like this...

I hope we start greeting each other like that.